Category Archives: Sense of Call

Do You!

Last month, I wrote about maintaining your focus as we approach a new year, and one of the points in the post was that you really need to understand your purpose. To a certain extent, this is a quest that many of us are constantly on. Some people seem to know immediately what they are “supposed” to do, while others seem to search and search and have a hard time nailing down what it is they want to do. Why is this so important to us? Part of this desire is that we as humans have been oriented for centuries to have a “place” in our world. Think about it- one of the first things people ask when they meet someone for the first time is “what do you do”? People’s jobs (at least in our minds) help us to categorize them, understand their interests and skills, and potentially relate to them.

However, I have a news flash. Your job and your purpose may not be the same thing! For some of us, we have found our purpose in our job. For some of us, a job is just a paycheck, and that’s ok. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a purpose. There is something in this world, for you do to, that you are especially equipped to do, that can make a positive impact on others, on your community, and maybe even the world. In fact, you are THE BEST person for whatever that job is, because you are you! If you don’t believe me, listen to our childhood friend, Dr. Seuss:

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

You buying into this idea requires that you believe that you have gifts to offer the world. This is crucial. So, take a minute, and jot down three gifts you have. You might find yourself venturing into some self-criticism about the things you *don’t* have. But, try to stay on track. What are you good at?  Now, ask yourself- how can I use my gifts for good in the world?

If you are a Christian, this question takes on an even deeper, more powerful meaning. It becomes “How can I use my gifts for good in the Body of Christ?” If you think you don’t have a gift, you’re simply wrong! Here’s how I know. 1 Corinthians 12 talks about us all being members of one body. It then goes on to say:

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit gives them.  There are different ways of serving, but the same Lord is served.  There are different abilities to perform service, but the same God gives ability to all for their particular service.  The Spirit’s presence is shown in some way in each person for the good of all.

1 Corinthian 12: 4-7

I won’t copy the whole chapter here, but you really should go read it! It is a reminder that because of your connection with Christ, you are AUTOMATICALLY GIFTED! That gift, is to be used for the good of the church and the world. We don’t all have the same gift, so there’s no use comparing gifts. Hands are only good at being hands, if they tried to be eyes, they would to a terrible job. How many of us think we are people who lack passion, direction, or giftedness, when really, we are just trying to do the wrong job? You don’t always have control over what you do for a living, but you DO have control over what you do for the kingdom. If you’re not sure what your gift is, don’t worry. This is a question that has an answer. Here are some tips:

-Take a spiritual gifts inventory. Here’s a great free one to check out

– Try some things out. See what feels right.

-Seek wise counsel.

-Pray about it.

The bottom line, is that there is something wonderful for you to do in this world, and we need you do it. We need you to DO YOU so that the world is a better place, and God is glorified. When we are comfortable in our own skin, we can stop the constant frustration of comparing ourselves to others, and just be happy in our own skin. Thanks for reading, and make Well Choices!

FOCUS

A couple of weeks ago my pastor preached a sermon entitled “Focus”. By now, the specific points he made are fuzzy for me. But I have not been able to let go of the idea that our ability to focus is crucially important to our physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. So much of what i see in my clinical work comes back to this idea. Difficulty managing priorities, not being able to distinguish irrational thoughts and feelings, becoming clouded by the dangers of social comparison, and the list goes on. So, FOCUS is going to be my word for 2017. I have some continuations of goals I’ve been working on, and some new things I hope to accomplish. I really don’t want to be distracted from these goals, because they’re important to me, and I feel God is calling me to them! Here are some tips for maintaining your FOCUS as we enter a new year.

Filter out the opinions of others. Many of us are completely and utterly consumed with the opinions of others. Are we meeting the approval of our parents? Are our friends/significant others pleased with us? Does my boss like me? Social media doesn’t help, because we often end up comparing the totality of our lives (good and bad) with the best moments of those we follow. While family and friends certainly matter, at the end of the day you are accountable to you and God for the life you live. Even the best intentioned friend or family member can lead you astray because they always come from a biased point of view. Push yourself to make your own decisions and stand by them. Only you are responsible for you.

Open yourself to new ways of doing and being. I had a supervisor say once that rigidity is the definition of mental illness. Another way to say this is the the key to mental and emotional wellness is flexibility. As humans, its easy for us to get into a monotonous routine and become so invested in it that we can’t see when its not working anymore. Sometimes, we need to change things up and try something new so that we can achieve a different outcome. Don’t be afraid to try!

Count your blessings. It’s really easy to focus on all the things that are going wrong in your life. They often take the forefront in our mental and emotional space. Challenge yourself to shift your perspective and focus on what’s going right. This change doesn’t make the bad things go away, but it helps us to have a more level headed and even keeled response. Attending to the good things can help balance out the pain associated to the bad ones.

Understand your purpose. You always have lots of choices in life. Big choices and little choices. Just like on a multiple choice test, some of these options are “distractors”. They’re not really good for you, but you can only figure out that out if you have studied and prepared yourself. Study and explore your purpose, so that when the time comes to make choices, you won’t be strayed by distractors. Everyone has something they are especially equipped to do, that they can give to the world! When you know what you’re called to do, it’s easier to identify and follow the path that will lead you to it. (More in this next month).

Simplify your life. While we are on the topic of distractors, how about getting rid of some! Is your house/office so cluttered that you can never find what you’re looking for? Are you involved in so many activities that you can’t tell whether you’re coming or going? Do you have some “friends” that annoy you so much you are constantly screening their calls? Perhaps it’s time to clean house. Why waste your time, energy, or resources on things that don’t fit with the life you’re trying to live? It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to let things go. It’s ok to move on.

While these may sound like quick tips, they are really big habits that if you aren’t doing already, will take time and commitment to accomplish. Try to pick one that feels most compelling to you, and focus your energy on making a decision every day to work toward that goal. Whether it’s January 1 or any other day of the year, you CAN reach your goals! Thanks for reading, and make Well Choices!

Why Wait for Tommorrow?

Ever wondered why people procrastinate? Certainly some of us are more “experienced” at procrastinating than others. Maybe some of us are just not great at time management.Often, for chronic procrastinators, this process is about avoidance. The thing we need to do is so intimidating, frustrating, or maybe even boring, that these folks just can’t bring themselves to complete the task. They might find things to distract themselves, tell themselves the task isn’t important, or save it for the last minute with the rationalization that “I work better under pressure.” Sound familiar?

I recently came across a blog post which suggests that procrastination is actually likely to occur with two other phenomena: self doubt, and anxiety. So, people who exhibit a lack of confidence or are unsure of their ability, are likely to feel anxious about upcoming tasks or demands, particularly difficult ones. In turn, those folks might engage in procrastination as a way to avoid the negative feelings they have about possibly failing at an important task. This is a dangerous cycle. Procrastination is ultimately about difficulty with self-control. It’s about an inability to delay immediate gratification (or withstand immediate difficulty) in order to do something that in the end will work in our favor.

Now, let’s add the spiritual to the equation. How many of us experience self-doubt that is totally contrary to what God says about us? How many of us worry, in situations where we already have a promise of protection and provision? How many of us avoid doing something we might feel called or directed to do because we are unsure of our ability to be successful. You don’t have to admit it, I will. For many of us, procrastination isn’t just about paying bills late, or just barely making a deadline at work. Some of us procrastinate on big things, important things– God things. Maybe you’ve gotten explicit direction from God about something, but your human brain can’t make the situation work, so you save it for later. You might bargain with God for more time, clearer direction, or even make excuses. You might think to yourself:

– “I need some more confirmation.”

– “I’m not ready. That’s for someone else to do.”

– “I won’t go there because I don’t want to mess it up.”

These kinds of things happen when our human understanding is left to its own devices. I think of Jonah as the ultimate procrastinator. I mean, you have to be serious about avoiding to go get on a boat! However, even getting on a boat and getting swallowed by a great fish didn’t keep him from doing what he was supposed to. So, basically, all your procrastinating is delaying the inevitable. What if you faced your fears and went for it? What wait for tomorrow when you could be living in your calling today?

Here are some tips:

  • Acknowledge your fear (it’s real. it’s ok), but don’t let it control you. Your fear is human, but it is not God’s will for us to live in and make decisions based on fear. Remember: “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (1 Timothy 1:7).
  • Pass on the self-criticism. There is no requirement that you be a Saint in order to do work for the kingdom. Maybe that thing that you feel makes you unusable is the exact reason you’ve been given such a mission! (Remember Esther?)
  • Remember that you’re not in it alone. If God told you to do it, then the promise that God will be with you while you do it is understood!  What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)

It’s not easy to do it sometimes, but when you do, God gets the glory. Stop putting off what only you can do!

Thanks for reading, and make Well Choices.